Sunday, March 2, 2008

Why not enjoy erotic sex. all. the. time?

I mean, really... think about that a minute. Why do spouses get so caught up in emotional fights or allow the busyness of life to take priority over their sex lives? Would someone please give me a good reason "why"??? What could be more important than tending to our passion for each other? If sex feels so good, and I believe it does, then why do we make it so complicated to enjoy high quality and quantity levels of it? This weekend I reflected a bit on all the times GR and I wasted in the past years when we could have been ODing on sex.

GR arrived home Friday evening and we've enjoyed LMing all weekend. Some things in life just must be, like business trips, but we do our best to work around them. Both of us seem to become extra horny prior to him leaving for a trip. Before rising out of bed this morning, we did one of our 2-hour sessions. GR O'd twice, I O'd twice, oh, and he O'd a third time. This is the way we are especially before he leaves town. Tomorrow he heads out again and won't be back until Thursday evening. Masturbating is a poor sub when you want sex with your dh but it'll have to do until we are reunited again.

Does anyone have a passion-within-marriage topic they'd like to discuss here? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Gemma, GR's whore..... who will be missing him all this week while he's away!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can you tell me more about you mean about being GR's whore?

I would love my wife to have a similar attitude to what you show here and on the TMB, but sadly I went to prostitutes before marriage, so the very word whore has negative connotations for her.

I am trying to think of different ways to be honest with her about what I really long for as far as her having a more passionate sexual attitude towards me.

Gemma said...

Anon,

It's really all about love and respect. If a married couple love and respect each other with God at the center of their marriage, then they each will go to the ends of the earth to demonstrate their love through their words and actions both in the bedroom and elsewhere.

According to Chapman's book _The Five Love Languages_, GR's main love language is "physical touch". It also happens to be one of mine along with "words of affirmation". If I didn't enthusiastically offer enough physical touch to keep his love tank full, he could be a very unhappy camper and possibly end up in the arms of other women. After my awakening in Dec 2006, GR confessed to me that he had begun looking at other women while I was "refusing" and it was simply because I was neglecting him. He took responsibility for his "roaming eyes" but I also felt and told him that I was partially to blame. (Btw- The roaming eyes stopped once I was awakened.)

In Dec 2006 I made a decision to always keep GR's love tank full. As a single women I knew how to be a whore, someone who loved sex and loved to please men. There was no reason why I couldn't be a whore for my dh in our Christian marriage. Basically it means to me--- I love my dh to the point where I will keep him showered with affection and with sex. I know that everything physical/sexual that I do for him is pleasing to God and naturally, it pleases my dh.

Just be honest with your dw. Don't try to sugar-coat it. Let her know that you need the "physical touch" including the passionate sex. Tell her that without it you are afraid that you will be tempted to look at other women and tempted to spend time with them. Tell her that your desire is to passionately involved with her only but that you need her help to make that happen. In other words, be vulnerable with her about your feelings.

Listen to me--- Most dw's (or low/no-SD husbands) don't have a clue how hard it is for their spouse to be turned down for sex and affection. I surely didn't and I'll respectfully bet that your dw is clueless as well. If you don't tell her, nothing will change. If you do tell her she may become upset or angry but she will never be able to say that you didn't explain it to her. And keep this in mind-- She'll be a heck of a lot more upset or angry if you fall into temptation. Better to explain this to her now rather than wait until something goes horribly wrong with other women or with porn coming between you and your dw. This is an area of marital intimacy where dw's can be so naive. If she doesn't get it now, keep talking to her about it until you make her understand.

Yes, God takes pleasure in seeing me be a "whore for GR". It is a good word within the realms of my Christian marriage.

Sensuous Wife said...

Obviously the term "whore" really works for Gemma, and I'm happy for her. I think Gemma and I both consider ourselves horny, uninhibited deliberately generous wives when it comes to sex with our husbands. For me, I don't use the word "whore" to describe that attitude. I prefer words like "lover" or "sensuous wife". And I would not want to see anyone miss the lovely concept of being erotic and uninhibited and generous with your husband just because you don't happen to resonate with the term "whore".
When I hear the word "whore" I think of Fantine from Les Miserable a woman who sold her body out of desperation and poverty. She was redeemed by true love and became a cherished lover of Valjean and was no longer a whore. That's what the word whore means to me.

But the concept of horny generous wife, deliberately cultivating her sexuality and lavishing it on her husband, I think Gemma and I agree on that for sure. ;)

Don't let the terminology throw you off the concept. It's a good concept!

Gemma said...

sensuous wife said:
"But the concept of horny generous wife, deliberately cultivating her sexuality and lavishing it on her husband, I think Gemma and I agree on that for sure. ;)

Don't let the terminology throw you off the concept. It's a good concept!"

Absolutely! Anon, the title/name you and your dw choose to use for her in bed should be one that helps to keep her mind and body in a horny mode. If the names "sweetie", "honey" or "lover" do it--- great! But if they don't help to bring the erotic thoughts and actions out of your dw, then the two of you should come up with a list of names to choose from. Find a name that fits and offers the desired results.

Keep in mind--- I didn't come up with the phrase "GR's whore" to please or impress my church friends, pastor or family members. Using the word "whore" encourages the erotic side of me and reminds me to always strive in pleasing GR in bed.

What are your goals in choosing a name?
Mine was to make our marriage bed as hot, as erotic as it can possibly be. Nobody else we know IRL needs to know my bedroom name. It's for GR and me, exclusive. I only share it anonymously on the internet. HTH

Anonymous said...

Gemma and Sensuous Wife,

I really appreciate what you both said. It is so helpful and I am thinking about it all.

I know I just need to keep being authentic with my wife, we are making strides that way.

I appreciate both of your blogs, they are so helpful.

One of the biggest struggles is sharing honestly with my wife and yet not coming across in a demanding way.

Sensuous Wife said...

anonymous,
You're welcome! I'm glad my blog and my comments helped you. Something from your first comment stood out to me this morning.

anonymous said"I really long for as far as her having a more passionate sexual attitude towards me."

What came to me today was she has to have a more passionate attitude toward herself too. For me, it wasn't only sex and eroticism it was being aware and alive of all pleasure perceived through the senses...the wind on my face, the warm sun on my skin, getting lost in music, etc.

I recommend you start a new ritual of bedtime stories where you cuddle her and read together before bed. You may end up reading erotic poetry after a few days/weeks/months but at first, I recommend you buy the book The Sacred Romance and read it to her out loud together a bit every night until you finish the book together. there's a link on the book list in my blog. This aliveness of the heart and body starts in the heart. I was asleep for years because I didnt think I deserved it.

Good for you for being hungry for more. God has more for you. Being hungry for more is a blessing. Himself said so.

May Himself give you and your dear wife more passion and satisfaction than you ever dreamed,
SW

Gemma said...

Anon, you're right. You don't want to sound demanding. Have your goal be to share with your dw out of love and concern for her and the marriage. And as always, pray first for wisdom to use the right words.

tractor said...

This is anonymous. I think I figured out how to show my name from TMB but stay anonymous. My TMB name is Tractor and I am a married Christian man.

I get so many insights from TMB, from here, from sensuouswife, and from www.christiannymphos.wordpress.com who I also found on TMB.

Do any of you know a Christian men's blog along the same lines as yours that is very Christian, but very explicit in a respectful way.

Gemma said...

Gee Tractor, I don't know of any off the top of my head.

Here's the thing--- I am a Christian but I don't feel a need to keep telling everyone on my blog that I am a Christian. Mainly, I'm here to talk about passion within marriages to anybody, male or female, who wants to talk about it. Therefore, my targeted readers might not be exclusively Christians but I prefer it this way. My writing style happens to be very explicit but I do my best to keep discussions at a respectful level. In other words, I'm not here to preach "Jesus" to my readers so I have the liberty to use graphic language on my blog where a blog/site that's set up for "Christians only" would seem rather odd, writing the way I do.

Perhaps if you ask on TMB forum, one of the guys could point you in the right direction. Be sure to tell them exactly what you're wanting- "very Christian" and "very explicit in a respectful way". You could always PM your request to a few of the guys if you're not comfortable posting it on the board. You may find it challenging to find a blog that is both "very Christian" and "very explicit in a respectful way" but good luck in your search. And feel free to drop by here any time.

tractor said...

Just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your style.

Your faith in Christ and your biblical world view comes through but not in a preachy way.

You are also very explicit about sexual issues, but in a respectful way not pornographic way.

This is just so refreshing and reminds me of my wife when she lets her hair down.

Gemma said...

Why thank you, Tractor. I take that as a compliment. Being preachy is not my style so I try to resist from preaching or thumping bibles on peoples' heads ;-).

Most folks today, at least in our country, have heard about Christianity. There are churches on every other street corner. We have loads of Christian material in libraries, bookstores and on the internet. If others can't see Christ in my words and behavior, I sure don't need to be shoving Him down their throats.

That's why I try not to "preach" on my blog or post scriptures everywhere. If a reader wanted to read a scripture, they know where they can find a bible and read it. This is how GR and I both practice our Faith.

As for being explicit when discussing sexual issues, why not? With all the hush-hush of sex talks in so many churches today, has it improved Christian marriages? I don't think so because church members are led to believe that discussing marital sex and affection is dirty therefore, enjoying it must be dirty, too.

That's part of why I refused sex all those years. Now, I'd refuse to belong to a church that had that opinion. You become like the people who you hang around with. If your pastor and church friends think sex is dirty, you or your spouse will end up sharing the same views.

OK, off my soapbox, now...

Cocotte said...

Joining this conversation late, but.....
I just wanted to concur with sensuous wife to not get hung up on the term "whore." I know many people on TMB are troubled by gemma's use of the phrase, "being GR's whore." People need to get past that. It works for her and her husband, so that's what's important. For some, baggage is attached to that word and they shouldn't use it. For others, it's just a word and does not carry any negative connotations for them personally. I've chosen a French word that means the same thing for my screen name here. Unless French is your first language, it is not going to offend or shock the reader - which goes to show you that words are just words!

job29man said...

Cocotte,

I looked up your screen name. That's very clever! It has two meanings, a polite society meaning that is nonetheless very sensual and a "street lingo" meaning.

1. a small fireproof dish meant to hold a very hot meal.

2. Prostitute.

You can always claim the first meaning and play dumb to the second!