Friday, March 7, 2008

First Steps in Resolving Intimacy Issues

In my last post I asked:

"Why do spouses get so caught up in emotional fights or allow the busyness of life to take priority over their sex lives?.... What could be more important than tending to our passion for each other?"

I want to talk about this more. Intimacy is threefold, involving our spirit, mind and body. When any one or two of the three is lacking, it affects all three areas. To maintain healthy intimacy in a marriage, it takes hard work and total dedication.

Hypothetical situation---

Suppose you enjoy really hot, frequent sex in your marriage bed but you become aware that your spouse is still struggling with this life-long, serious emotional issue of trust/honesty. It could be pertaining to money or anything else other than sex and it periodically rears its ugly head.

Although he's bothered by his habit and knows it hurts him, you and the marriage, he can't seem to overcome it on his own. He doesn't fully understand the seriousness of the issue and maybe it's a pride thing that has previously prevented him from getting help. Whenever you see the issue come up, it consumes your thinking even when you're having sex. So here you go-- the emotions are now affecting the sex.

Now, what do you do? Since this has been going on for years, by this time you have no doubt that he clearly doesn't possess the knowledge to fix it on his own. You can't convince him how serious this issue is but it's becoming increasingly obvious that it is standing in the way of total healthy intimacy. It finally seems, to you, that it will never end without intervention. Something must be done in order for permanent change to take place.

Do you insist on counseling or else? "Or else" meaning, or else the sex cannot continue. I'm not talking about threats but you genuinely cannot even go through the motions of having sex without these plaguing thoughts intercepting your joy during LMing. It's beginning to kill you in bed because you both enjoy the sex other than when you're dealing with this issue. Do you turn your back in resentment towards your best friend and lover and expect/hope for him to change?

What is the healthiest way to handle a serious issue when the two of you are "in the midst of it".... when you both see that it's not going away on its own.

What is the very first step that you take?

No comments: