Monday, March 31, 2008

How pathetic are you?

Do you enjoy sex more with kids in the next room sleeping or when they're awake or does it make a difference? 16 months ago, kids being awake in the next room would have bothered me more, where I would have been less likely to proceed with sex. This problem has become "old hat" since then. Although we try to keep our noise down out of consideration for our two college kids when they're awake in their rooms, waiting for them to be asleep at night would shut down all of our bedtime fun. If they insist on staying up late for studies, they will run the risk of hearing Mom and Dad enjoying sex. We can only do so much, kwim? And the problem with older teens and young adults hearing you is that there is no mistaking in identifying the sounds coming from their parent's room. If they hear it---- you are "busted".

This situation happened again early this morning. It was 5am. Dd1 was up early studying. Monday mornings are often hectic, trying to get everyone out the door on time. When GR and I realized dd1 was already up and knowing it was our "crazy morning" of the week, we decided to forgo sex so he'd have time to prepare to leave for work. When sex can't happen, we do this little 'dance'. It's maddening, really, I'm not sure why we choose to torture ourselves but we do. Jokingly, we each say that we need a sexual reminder to help us think about the other throughout the day. Sometimes the reminder works and other times, it goes *woefully wrong* where it becomes a full blown sex session or at the least, a quickie.

This morning, we were enjoying each others' bodies up to a point and then trying to stop. We were both gazing at each other, trying hard to not touch too much. We kept holding back. When we do this 'dance' our favorite line is, "I'm not so sure this is enough to remember you later today," so then we continue on. Finally, at one point I looked at GR and said, "I know dd1's sitting at her desk but I can no longer hold back. If we keep going, we won't need the reminder. Can you make love to me quietly? He promised and we did.

Afterwards, I told him, "Now go and shower while I make coffee and get breakfast going." Over coffee, we agreed that we were two pathetic, shameless people who have no will-power to keep hands to ourselves. But really--- How do you NOT touch a hot, nude body sleeping beside you?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Hard Choices

I've lost my sleep lately. No, not sheep, "sleep". GR and I wake during the night and we can't go back to sleep without sex. Saturday mornings are the only times of the week that I'm allowed the luxury of sleeping in so what do I do? This morning, I woke up at 4am, could not quickly go back to sleep. Then, I woke GR and hit him up for sex. We were at it from 4-6am. By the time we were finished doing each other I was awake, had to go to the bathroom and was getting hungry, in that order. That was the end of sleep. Sex is hot any hour of the day but I sure wouldn't mind fitting a little sleep in here and there, kwim? On the other hand, I'd rather be without my sleep than do without love making.


In bed this morning
you tucked into the cove of my belly
our feet slipping past each other like fish
I reached out to embrace
the flat rock of your back
and carved out our names
with my tongue

teresa blagg

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Interruptions That Go "Bang" In The Night or How We Keep Up Frequency

Whew!! I am operating on little sleep today but thought I'd share why, for anyone who's interested. GR and I have had a few too many late bedtimes recently while attempting to help both dd's with college related stuff. Last night was one that will go in the history book.

Dd1 was putting finishing touches on a 10-page paper which was due today. Currently, we're working on getting all 3 of our pc's to be more compatible with each other. GR suggested she bring her laptop downstairs so she'd have better reception. Rather than work on her small keyboard she decided to use my full size one. Fine. It was 9-10pm.

GR and I finally went up to bed wiped out tired. We planned to go to sleep but realized we were both too horny. I thought we'd do a quickie but, no. The quickie turned into a slowie. To be honest, we had enjoyed a bottle of wine during and after dinner so the wine affects were still there. We were taking our time as GR and I both O'd. He had all the Oing he could stand so we kissed good-night, I rolled over, he spooned in behind me and we drifted off to delicious sleep. Next thing we knew....

Bang, bang, bang! The sound had me bolting straight up in bed. What is that? GR tells me- It's dd1. She must have taken her fist and pounded on the door to get our attention. Later I found out that she tried knocking softly to no avail. Feeling a bit like we were rudely awakened during an afterglow, we threw our pj's on, stepped out into the hall and she tells us--- I think something is terribly wrong with my pc. It is now 3am.

We go downstairs to discover that she typed out the last 7 of her 10 pages on my pc, tried to transfer it to hers and lost all 7 pages. This is a computer savvy gal, much more than I, so we know she did everything correctly. Apparently our computers didn't mesh well during the transfer ::sigh:: ::ugh::. GR tried to retrieve the work but she ended up having to go back and retype the pages. We put on a pot of coffee for her, said good-night and went back to bed thinking we could get some more sleep.

Tossing and turning for 20-30 minutes I finally told GR- It's not going to happen; I can't sleep. So...... we did what we always do when we can't sleep-- more sex. Is that normal? Do many people actually have sex before going to bed and then end up horny and doing it again at 3am? Trying not to examine that thought too much we just enjoyed another tumble in the bed. Surely, I thought, there's no way I'll go back to sleep after this when we need to rise at 5am? Well, we did nod off afterwards and didn't wake until almost 6.

And that's why I am operating under sleep-deprivation. GR is too, I'm sure. Dd1 was up the entire night. She went to school with part of her paper undone and hunted down her prof before class time. Lucky for her, he gave her grace to hand it in next Monday instead as per her words, "My prof said I always hand in my work early so he knew I was telling the truth and decided to give me an extension."

I'm getting ready to pick up dd1 and dd2, shower and then the four of us are running out to an event to hear a speaker from 8-9:30 tonight. THEN we'll be able to get back to bed. It's a good thing that GR and I plan to enjoy sex for many years to come. One day I'd like to experience regular sex without ever being interrupted. Wonder what that is like? Meanwhile, we'll have to take what we can get.... when ever we can get it.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

How do your quickies turn out?

Good Tuesday morning, folks!

How do your quickies turn out? Are they always "slam, bam" short and sweet and you're done or do they occasionally meander off into side trips? Most of ours are truly quick but it's always a pleasant surprise when we meander as we did this morning.

What was intended to be 5-10 minutes because we really needed to get out the door, ended up as a half hour of sex resulting in several O's. Ha, as we awakened this morning, GR told me that he was only a little horny; he had 3 O's.

And it often puzzles me when our sex is fast and furious while we're listening to soft, romantic music like this morning. We were really doing each other to the tune of Andrea Bocelli. Where other times we're ML slowly and romantically while listening to hot, sensual music by Richard Elliot or something similar.

Are your quickies always quick and if you have music playing, does the music always reflect your actions?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew", otherwise known as "What Wives are Afraid to Find Out"

I know this has been said before but--- Take care of your marriage bed before someone else will.

This should be obvious for married couples. Truly, for years it wasn't obvious for me. After finding out, I didn't blame GR one bit. In fact, I thanked him for telling me and told him that I was at least partially responsible for him falling into this temptation. Before I forget to mention this--- Since my awakening 15 months ago, this has been a non-issue in our marriage because during all those years he just wanted *me*... and now he has as much of me as he wants.

Because of my years of refusing sex, my very faithful dh fell into the temptation of looking at other women. Porn was never GR's vice but when he would be anywhere away from home, he developed wandering eyes for other females. While engaging in this habit he wasn't without guilt over what he was doing. It's just that I kept him so sex-starved for so long that watching other females gave him a small sense of sexual normalcy that he should have been able to get from me only... I refused to give it.

When I was refusing, GR tried to tell me about this temptation but I did not listen. When I would think about him possibly doing something like this, I would imagine it away because if I knew I was causing him temptation, it would mean that I would have had to "straighten up and fly right" with my refusing and I didn't have the desire or the know-how to be the dw he needed.

This is why the Bible tell us that our bodies do not belong to us. Rather, they belong to our spouse. When we withhold that which is not ours, negative consequences WILL SURELY RESULT. It's not "if" they will, but "when". I had to thank God and thank GR that nothing went any further.

Anyone reading this who is low sex drive or no-SD or if your spouse is this way.... I hope you very soon find answers to your marital issues before this or some other temptation claims affections that should only belong in your marriage bed.

It's a funny thing. Back when GR confessed this to me, our sex life had long since been reclaimed so I just had such a peace about it knowing that what was done was in the past. He took full responsibility for the "wandering eyes". However, my POV was that his looking at other women was no worse than my refusing sex. In fact, my refusing was the cause of it all and his habit of roaming eyes was only a natural result.

So take care of your marriage bed before someone else will!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

You can look but you can't touch!

We just returned from a short trip to the big city near us with our two grown kids. A dear, elderly friend... I'll call her j... whom we met 15 years ago was in this city on business so GR and I took our grown girls on a road trip to visit with her. Although we kept in touch with j through the years with phone calls and letters, we hadn't seen her face to face in 10 years so we had much catching up to do. J has some difficulties walking that stems from a bad accident so most of our time there was spent visiting her at the hotel until it was time for us to head back home.

On the drive back we found a good country music radio station so we listened to that all the way home. Isn't it amazing how folks can get so horny after listening to country music?... unless maybe it's just me! About two hours from home I began pestering GR, "How much longer 'til we get home?" Even our girls were hollering from the back seat, "Gees Mom, you're acting like a kid!" Little did they know that Mom was giving admiring, sideway glances at their Dad who was behind the wheel, looking handsome as ever. If it hadn't been for the girls being with us, my hands would have been all over GR while he was driving. Although we were tired from our trip, once we arrived home GR and I enjoyed a good romp in the bed before drifting off to sleep.

Isn't it painful when we find ourselves with desire to touch/caress our spouse's body in those private areas but because of circumstances like when others are around, we can only look?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Being Awakened for Sex- How do you handle it?

What do you do when husband initiates sex at 4am.... oh, and you're not a morning person? Thus began our morning, today.

GR is a morning person so it's natural for him to reach out for me in the early morning hours. In my sleep, I'll feel his hands groping/caressing me... where ever his hands take him. At that hour of the morning, my body tends to be sort of rag-dollish but no matter what, I can still give and receive sexual satisfaction. So first thing today, we went ahead and ML... at the ungodly hour of 4am.

By the time we were done I was more verbal (read: awake) and asked him, "Did you wake up horny?" "Just a little," he tells me. My usual verbal self was kicking in so I continued teasing and pressing him for more. A LITTLE??? What do you mean, 'a little'? You had sex with me while I was half asleep! He justified his actions by saying that he only WOKE a little horny but it quickly went from a little to a lot. I knew that; I just wanted to hear it from his lips.

GR knows he can wake me any hour for sex. I do the same to him only my inner clock wakes me for sex earlier in the night; it's called "pay back" ;-) hehe. Seriously, though, neither one of us mind waking up for a good cause.

So what do you do when your dh/dw awakens you for sex? Do you roll towards him or away? Do not miss those golden opportunities to become more intimate with your spouse.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

What "gets your goat" about passion in marriage or the lack, thereof?

Some things just "get my goat" and this is one of them. It is *part* of the reason why I was a refusing dw for over 25 years. What is this thing in some Christian churches where young dw's are never given "permission" or encouraged to go sexually wild with their dh's? I understand and agree that single girls and single guys should remain sexually pure before marriage.

And before anybody gets on my case for being sexist, I do realize that the attitudes of dh's and dw's can be in a reversed order with the dw's dragging their kicking and screaming dh's towards the marriage bed. So I know it goes both ways. For the purpose of this post, I am only bringing up the example of the dw's being too much "good girl" to enjoy sex in their marriage.

This is what I keep hearing---

Young couples prepare to marry. The guys know or learn to anticipate and enjoy marital sex. The girls are kept sexually clueless, shy and inhibited. They marry and then the girls continue to sexually hold back in the marriage while the guys are eager and ready to bust lose.... only they can't because... their dw's are too busy being "good girls". When are we going to wake up and realize the damage we're doing to young marriages right from the "get-go"?

Recently, on one of my favorite marriage forums, someone asked help for a friend who had this same issue going on in her marriage. Being a "good girl" was causing the friend to refuse sex to her dh. He was already at the point of sleeping on the couch because sharing the bed with his "good girl" dw was too painful when she often told him "no" to sex.

Basically, this is what I told the poster---

There is NOTHING good or "holy" about withholding sex from your spouse. I used to think I was a good Christian dw because I did all the right things outwardly... you know, the things that everyone from my church could see. But in my heart and behind closed bedroom doors, I sinned against my dh and I sinned against my God. Withholding or refusing sex is "sin".

Don't get me wrong-- If her dh is asking her to engage in immoral sex practices then, no, she shouldn't engage in them. But if he simply desires to enjoy the dw of his youth and she's never in the mood so she often says "no", then that is "sin". God designed and desired for dh's and dw's to thoroughly enjoy each others' bodies and to keep each other sexually satisfied. It is 'sin' to go against that and tell God, "Thanks for the gift but 'no thanks'. I'd rather do other things than satisfy my dh in bed."

15 months ago I made a decision to never say "no" to sex. The "good girl" left the house and my dh's "whore" moved in, figuratively speaking. I was the "good girl" turned "dh's whore". This is what totally turned my marriage around. Now GR and I enjoy frequent, passionate sex AND an affectionate relationship outside the bedroom as well. This is as a passionate marriage should be.

On Christian marriage forums I've had more than a few dw's become rattled and a couple of them even verbally abusive when I say "I am my dh's whore", like as if I'm having sex my dh without any love involved or that he disrespects me. Think about it-- When you're in bed and totally pleasing your dh and he's totally pleasing you, aren't you offering/using your body in a similar fashion to what a whore would do? I often wonder if those dh's would be asked if they'd like their dw's to be as whores in their marriage bed, would the dh's encourage or DIScourage it? Is it only about the dw's self-image (ie- wanting to seem like a "good girl") or is the dh's opinion (ie- uninhibited, hot babe in bed) taken into account at all? Hmmmmm.....

Anyway, back to that poster and her friend. She asked if she should recommend that her friend go talk to her religious leader and I told her:

Absolutely not! Your friend is already suffering from too much *wifely goodness*. What if her pastor is a refusing spouse? What good could he possibly do for your friend's marriage? None! If she needs outside help, recommend she see a professional sex therapist. Four books I would recommend for this "good girl" issue.

For the dw's to read:

The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
ISBN: 0-06-052061-2

Intimate Issues
Dillow & Pintus
ISBN: 1-57856-149-3

For them to read as a married couple:

The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage
Dr. Schlessinger
ISBN: 978-0-06-114284-0

Love & Respect
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
ISBN: 1-59145-417-4

That "good girl" concept really needs to be knocked off its pedestal! Try replacing it with this thought---

Dw's, be that 'good girl' in the living room and when you are away from home. But when you and dh are in your bedroom, allow yourself the freedom to be his whore. As a dw, enjoy the sexual, God-given gift that you possess.
Dh's, encourage your dw to be your whore when you're in the bedroom. Never, ever make her feel ashamed or embarrassed for letting lose while making love." Now go enjoy your marriage bed!

Comments? Questions?

Gemma, GR's whore!

Monday, March 10, 2008

True confession! And the solution was...

GR and I recently had an emotional clash in our marriage. For a couple of weeks we could not seem to handle it well at all. Finally, we met with our pastor who sat and listened to both sides of our dilemma. Afterwards he simply and so very wisely told us, "You guys are both intelligent people. You know what you have to do. Just do it! And you know you have to forgive each other and resolve to be honest in your marriage." Of course he also reminded us that we were heading into the Lenten season and that Lent was all about "forgiveness" so how could we not forgive and move on?

Just that quickly and easily we knew how to fix the mess. For us, we had to hear it from a third party. We kind of knew before we met with our pastor what we needed to do but it took hearing it from his mouth to our ears before we were ready to "just do it". You know, we can get so caught up in licking our wounds that we forget the ultimate goal of keeping our marriage healthy.

We have a very honest relationship with our pastor and can tell him anything. Before we left his office I was still ticked off at my dh and I asked our pastor, "Can I wring GR's neck before we forgive and move on?" He just grinned and told me, "Nope, I don't think so!" GR and I left church and went straight home. To celebrate our mended relationship, we enjoyed some wine with brie, crackers and fruit. And then it was time for "make-up sex". We couldn't wait to tear into each others' bodies. When we're that horny, our LMing becomes so franticly erotic, long before we ML.

By the time we were through doing each other that night, I had had 3 O's, GR had had 4, before our bodies quit on us. It was one of the hottest 3-hour sex sessions we've had in a while and they are all hot but this was one to go down in our history. I would not recommend disagreeing with your spouse just so you can enjoy "make-up" sex but oh, my.... Why stay angry and miss all that good sex? Kiss and make-up. Just do it!!! This is as a passionate marriage should be!

Friday, March 7, 2008

First Steps in Resolving Intimacy Issues

In my last post I asked:

"Why do spouses get so caught up in emotional fights or allow the busyness of life to take priority over their sex lives?.... What could be more important than tending to our passion for each other?"

I want to talk about this more. Intimacy is threefold, involving our spirit, mind and body. When any one or two of the three is lacking, it affects all three areas. To maintain healthy intimacy in a marriage, it takes hard work and total dedication.

Hypothetical situation---

Suppose you enjoy really hot, frequent sex in your marriage bed but you become aware that your spouse is still struggling with this life-long, serious emotional issue of trust/honesty. It could be pertaining to money or anything else other than sex and it periodically rears its ugly head.

Although he's bothered by his habit and knows it hurts him, you and the marriage, he can't seem to overcome it on his own. He doesn't fully understand the seriousness of the issue and maybe it's a pride thing that has previously prevented him from getting help. Whenever you see the issue come up, it consumes your thinking even when you're having sex. So here you go-- the emotions are now affecting the sex.

Now, what do you do? Since this has been going on for years, by this time you have no doubt that he clearly doesn't possess the knowledge to fix it on his own. You can't convince him how serious this issue is but it's becoming increasingly obvious that it is standing in the way of total healthy intimacy. It finally seems, to you, that it will never end without intervention. Something must be done in order for permanent change to take place.

Do you insist on counseling or else? "Or else" meaning, or else the sex cannot continue. I'm not talking about threats but you genuinely cannot even go through the motions of having sex without these plaguing thoughts intercepting your joy during LMing. It's beginning to kill you in bed because you both enjoy the sex other than when you're dealing with this issue. Do you turn your back in resentment towards your best friend and lover and expect/hope for him to change?

What is the healthiest way to handle a serious issue when the two of you are "in the midst of it".... when you both see that it's not going away on its own.

What is the very first step that you take?

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Why not enjoy erotic sex. all. the. time?

I mean, really... think about that a minute. Why do spouses get so caught up in emotional fights or allow the busyness of life to take priority over their sex lives? Would someone please give me a good reason "why"??? What could be more important than tending to our passion for each other? If sex feels so good, and I believe it does, then why do we make it so complicated to enjoy high quality and quantity levels of it? This weekend I reflected a bit on all the times GR and I wasted in the past years when we could have been ODing on sex.

GR arrived home Friday evening and we've enjoyed LMing all weekend. Some things in life just must be, like business trips, but we do our best to work around them. Both of us seem to become extra horny prior to him leaving for a trip. Before rising out of bed this morning, we did one of our 2-hour sessions. GR O'd twice, I O'd twice, oh, and he O'd a third time. This is the way we are especially before he leaves town. Tomorrow he heads out again and won't be back until Thursday evening. Masturbating is a poor sub when you want sex with your dh but it'll have to do until we are reunited again.

Does anyone have a passion-within-marriage topic they'd like to discuss here? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Gemma, GR's whore..... who will be missing him all this week while he's away!