Sunday, February 12, 2012

Do you successfully play the hand you've been dealt?

I often wonder what other couples do on business trips. GR is a computer engineer for large systems. We take some rather unique trips in that.. he often has jobs to do between midnight and 5am.. when customer sites are closed for business.

We're on such a trip right now. We arrived at the hotel mid-afternoon yesterday. Our day looked like this: check in.. pick up a few food/drink items.. back to hotel.. and then.. no, not sex.. but sleep and rest. He sleeps, and I rest after pre-ordering room service for breakfast, placing it on the outside door knob.

I know GR. Immediately after a road trip, he is too pooped to party. It's no surprise that sleep is a priority for him. He sleeps from 6 'til 8pm. THEN, we enjoy a shag fest from 8 'til 11pm, at which time he leaves for the job site. I sleep.

He arrives back at 5am. We both sleep naked 'til... Knock, knock.. "Room service!" Ughh.. it's 7am.. breakfast is right on time. I gently shove GR out of bed. (I planned that ahead ;-) He slips on pajama pants and lets the guy in with the cart.. while I pretend to be sleeping under the covers.. hehe! Well I wasn't going to answer the door! I hear them at the foot of the bed deciding where to place the cart, while I play possum. The guy leaves.

I pop out of bed anxious for that pot of French press coffee. We share an omelet, Irish oatmeal brulee, and homemade rye toast… yummm. Presently, I’m taking a break for the food to digest. We’re fixin’ to head down to the exercise room for a good workout. Then, back to our room for at least a quickie and to share a shower.. pack and drive home.

What do your business trips look like? Do you successfully get in adequate play time in spite of the work schedule? Hey, you play the hand you've been dealt, right?

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Christ is born, glorify Him. Have a happy New Year.

It has been a long time since I posted here. Busy with husband.. family.. busyness of life.. sickness.. writing. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas holiday, and I wish a happy New Year to you all.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Men, do you know what you want in bed?

My husband and I both initiate sex but that’s not a worry for him. If I stopped being sexually passionate or no longer showed sexual desire for him, then we would have problems. I could leave most of the initiating to him and he would be tickled pink just to have me continually shower him with passion and desire.

Showing passion and desire is not the same thing as initiating. It's not the same thing as a spouse making decisions in bed (ie, which activities and positions they do). Some men may need their wife to initiate and make decisions and she can do those things, yet still lack passion and desire.

Some women, myself included, have a passionate nature and regularly show it. But when my husband and I are in bed he likes to rule. It’s not that I can’t make a decision or suggestion; I can. But what works for us and keeps our bed sizzling is for him to do much of the sexual leading. He leads my passion and desire where he wants it to go. My husband is my Master in bed, only I don’t live in a bottle.

Foreplay is emotional for me but it does not make me passionate or make me desire my husband more. Before we even begin foreplay I am already passionately desiring him, whether he’s with me or not. Foreplay simply makes me horny, and then I’m quickly ready to roll.

Obviously, a husband has to be desire-worthy for a wife to desire him throughout the day. All husbands SHOULD be desire-worthy but if they act like an ass around their wife, well... they need to work on the emotional end of their relationship.

A wife runs into trouble when she won’t or can’t think about sexually desiring her husband all day. So it’s not surprising when they’re going to bed and she tells him, “OK, dear, start my engine. Get me in the mood. Make me desire you,” when she’s like a car that’s been sitting in a garage for months on end. And he's like a mechanically challenged guy.

Men, do you know specifically what you most want and need from your wife? Do you communicate it to her? Does she understand what you want from her?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Is romance killing your sex life?

Some women (and men too) are more sensitive than others to being sexually touched. What about our thoughts? How do our thoughts affect our sexual experiences? We can be sensitive to touch, our husband can be sexually touching us, and we would think, “We’re well on our way!” But if our thoughts are on what we didn't do today, or what we’ll do tomorrow, or something with the kids, etc., guess what? Our husband may as well be touching the lawn mower for all the response he'll get from us.

But then, I have a theory about what trips up so many wives more often than not, and prevents them from getting the most out of sex. They are too focused on being romanced rather than focusing on the physical sensation of being fucked. You hear so many wives complain that they don’t get enough romance. They look for it in everything they do with their husband, including during sex. If I were to try and make sex into a romantic time, I would have difficulties focusing on the physical sensations. Worrying about romance would be distracting for me. I mean, if I’m going to have sex I want to enjoy having SEX!!!

Don't get me wrong. Sex between a husband and wife is and should be an emotional act. What I’m saying is that I think romanticizing about the relationship while in the moment, detracts from the sexual experience. Where do women get these ideas of fantasizing about romance rather than focusing on sex? TV, I’m sure, has contributed, and I can only guess that romance novels don’t help either. For those of us who don’t prioritize for romance, we have an easier time just getting in there and enjoying the physical side of having sex. It's a whole "letting your mind go" mentality. I don't have to be in control of my thoughts. In fact, I don't want to be in control of my thoughts at that time. This works to my advantage, taking the entire experience way over the top.

Husbands, if your sex life is not what you want it to be and your wife complains about lack of romance, satisfy that need outside the bedroom. Keep the bedroom set apart for your sex life.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Orgasm Denial- Living in a State of Arousal

Not to boast but I can orgasm very easily, usually within seconds or minutes, and they are powerful Os. It's just that I don't like to O every time we have sex, because I enjoy the feeling of being aroused and not releasing it. The arousal is part of my journey, and I love the journey as much as the destination. Most guys and some women need to O every time, and that's OK if it works for you. Folks like that don’t always understand why a woman would want to skip Oing. I’ve heard many husbands say, “I bring my wife to O every time we have sex,” like it’s an accomplishment. Maybe it is for their wives, I really don’t know.

To look at it from a different POV---

For me, my way of practicing a form of "orgasm denial" is WAY more erotic. That's why I'm glad my husband understands how my body works... how I prefer to live in a state of arousal. If I had to O every time we had sex, I wouldn’t always look forward to some of our sessions. Of course, we would have sex just as often as we do now, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much. And THAT would sadden my husband as well... not because of my lack of Os, but because of my lack of enjoyment.

In your marriage does the wife need/want to orgasm at every session? And is it her preference or the husband’s? Does it work to your advantage? Does it cause the wife to look forward to every session, or is she sometimes not so enthused, knowing that she’ll have to O?

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Hurdle For Refused Spouses To Overcome

Periodically, I am reminded of this. Very little gets my goat more than to hear a marriage forum member say, "My wife and I have a great marriage. We enjoy doing things together. She's a wonderful mom to our kids. She's a good Christian woman, actively ministering at church. Our relationship is good in every way EXCEPT..... in bed.

She refuses to freely enjoy sex with me. As the keeper of the "sex gate" only she decides when and how we have sex, totally disregarding my sexual needs. I have no say. What can I do?" (And I see this in reverse as well… with wives who have refusing husbands.)

One of the biggest hurdles for a refused spouse to overcome, is in admitting that the refusing spouse is NOT the loving spouse they once were. We are NOT a wonderful parent while sexually refusing our children's other parent. We are NOT a good Christian just because we are active and ministering in church, while we treat our spouse like crap in the bedroom. Refusal affects all areas of our life. We figure that since nobody knows our "refusal secret", then our pastor and all our church friends think that we are a good Christian. Hey, we've learned how to fake it well. Everyone but our spouse, only sees our "pretend" personality.

God knows better. He knows us by how we are in the secret place. It's in the secret place that He judges our heart. We might be able to fool man for a season, but we never fool God.

To refused spouses: TELL THE SECRET!

Quit protecting your refusing spouse's reputation. As long as you agree to hide their refusal, you are contributing to their sin, so their sin is also YOUR sin. Tell your pastor, counselor, or whoever else will cause self-reflection when a refused spouse can't make a dent, even if it means embarrassment. We have no reason to be embarrassed if we're not doing anything wrong. If the refuser dies of embarrassment when the refused spouse tells their pastor or another person, it sends the refuser a clear message:

*Refusal is serious.
*Refusal goes against the wedding vows.
*Refusal hurts the kids, and others they try to help (ie, Christian ministries.. like the blind leading the blind).
*Refusal can lead to infidelity or divorce.

Either refused spouse, pastor and others are ALL wrong, or I need to take a serious look at the damage I'm causing in my marriage.

Friday, June 24, 2011

One of my favorite love songs!

This is one of my favorite love songs! You like?